Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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