someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
