you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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