The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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