He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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