Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
