Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm passing your future prison.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize