Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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