Swine flu. Run for my life!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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