he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
A+ Viking dick
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
