I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
