is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
