***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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