my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize