My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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