it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
