You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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