woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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