:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
