there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just want nice things and good sex
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
