I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize