I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
