fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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