Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
