you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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