maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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