if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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