i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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