so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
