the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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