Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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