He uses pillows to masturbate.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
