I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
