When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize