My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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