y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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