he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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