I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
