theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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