mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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