my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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