better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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