i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
