I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
