i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
