the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
