sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
