I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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