She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
