I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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