fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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