wat bout pragnant strippers??
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
