No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
