whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
