plz talk dirty to me
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
