forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
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