I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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