Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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