So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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