she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize