Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
