shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
