1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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