I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
