If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
