I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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