I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
