Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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